Sometimes I just feel left out of the club…..

So someone told this too me:

“You just don’t understand, you are not a mom!”

Pretty much the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me. Well maybe not the meanest, but it was damn hurtful anyways. It’s like this special club that just about ANYONE can belong to. But me.  The birthday parties that friends get invited to, the new bonds that are formed between mothers. What schools and daycares are best.  When to start feeding babies solid foods and what foods to start with. It is a club that I don’t belong to. Meth heads can, but I can’t.  Each time I hear mommies talk….my heart breaks.

So to sum up my feelings on being infertile. I am not jealous of people getting pregnant, I just feel like my life hasn’t really started yet. It is a chapter of my life that should have been fulfilled and it is not. Just a constant reminder that I am unsuited to join the mommyhood club. I am just left outside in the cold, but can hear the party going on.

No wonder why no one talks about being infertile. It is the loneliest thing. Not to mention it’s pretty damn depressing.

Someday I will be invited. I have to be.


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